The Princess Diaries

The Princess Diaries

Walt Disney Pictures

Film released 2001

Director: Gary Marshall

Writer: Gina Wedkos

Based on the books by Meg Cabot

Starring: Julie Andrews, Anne Hathaway, Hector Elizondo, Heather Matarazzo, Mandy Moore, that guy from Brink, Sandra Oh!

Rated: G

Grade:  4/5

Not another TWEEN movie! Let’s take a queer look at that old favorite, The Princess Diaries.

Can you believe this was Anne Hathaway’s big film debut? Neither can I. ALSO JULIE ANDREWS FTW! Btw, did you know that Whitney Houston was a producer on this? Cool, right?

Now that I’m done fangirling over the powerhouse actors in this movie, let’s get on with it.

First, let’s get a few things straight (wink wink). If you were a tween during the late 90s/early 2000s, then you might have been obsessed with the original books series (like me). 

'Sup Meg Cabot

There were a few things that the movie didn’t get quite right that I want to point out quickly. Whether or not they contribute to the movie’s queerness, eh idk, you can be the judge of that. The two biggest things you need to know are 1) Mia’s dad isn’t dead, he was just kind of an absent father until they had to tell her about the whole Princess thing. Ultimate uncool dad move. And 2) the grandmother in the books is actually a horrible human being that Mia hates and she has tattooed eyebrows that gave me nightmares. Ugh. These changes make sense for the movie’s story arc, but what I liked about the original books was Mia’s rebellious, fuck the man, attitude, and she really loses that in the movie. Having her dad die instead of just being absent puts a sentimentality and “excusable reason” on her rebellion, which lessens Mia’s queerness. And the grandmother (if memory serves me, I think she had to call her grandmere?) served as an antagonistic figure on whom Mia could throw her frustrations. As much as I love Julie Andrews, the conflict between traditional norms/the strictures of being royal and Mia wanting to be a normal freaky teenager get diluted.

Anyway, on to the film.

Mia is so very queer. She and her bestie Lily Moscovitz (the awesome and OUT Heather Matarazzo) are outsiders at their high school. 

Who's that dude messing up our bestie pic?

They look at the popular, uber-hetero, kids with admiration and disgust; that particular mixture of feelings only present in the teenage mind when you still gave two fucks about your popularity status (right?). Mia is invisible and weird to her classmates. She pukes during her public speaking class and gets laughed out the door. She’s awkward and clumsy, not to mention the glasses and untameable hair. She’s invisible, crushing on cool-guy-douchebag Josh from afar, wishing she wasn’t queer, and wishing for the popular kids’ normalcy. It’s hard out there for a queer.

But Mia’s got some things going for her. She lives in an abandoned firehouse (LITERALLY THE COOLEST THING EVER) with her artist mom whose idea of a night in is throwing darts at water balloons full of paint, 

Take that patriarchy!

and she works part time at a rock climbing place. Her life isn’t really as bad as she makes it out to be. Despite her frustrations, her queer life is actually pretty cool.

Then, everything changes. Julie Andrews comes to town and tells her she’s next in line for the throne of Genovia. Oof. This little queer girl is a bonafide princess. You can’t get much more normative and traditional than a princess, no matter whether you are talking about fairytales or IRL royalty. The whole movie ends up being about Mia’s identity and her queerness battling the normative expectations closing in on her life.

Here are the two things I want to look at with this.

First, the big beauty transformation. Hellooooooo Anne Hathaway.

bow chika wow wow

What’s telling here is her reaction to the makeover. It makes her super uncomfortable. She gets really defensive when Lily sees her new ‘do. And when she gets to school she doesn’t want to show off her new look, she hides it all under a hat. When someone finally steals the hat off her head, her newfound normative beauty makes heads turn. People start to notice her, but it’s not really what she wants. She doesn’t know what to do now that she’s no longer invisible. She’s lost some of her queerness and she’s having a hard time adjusting. She’s starting to conform to normative beauty standards and it feels weird, unnatural even.

Next, her decision to become a princess (after she tries to run away). I’m not so interested in the whole legacy, father part of the storyline. I want to focus on how Mia eventually comes to terms with her queerness and this new normative world she must navigate.  The defining moment here is when she smears ice cream all over popular-girl Lana’s (Mandy Moore in her early 2000s prime) pristine cheerleading outfit. Mia decides that, after the whole beach party/Josh fiasco, there are parts of the normative world she doesn’t want to participate in. The part that’s frivolous and fake and judgemental and basically just awful. Instead (and after quite a bit of turmoil), she decides to take advantage of the position she has been handed within the normative world. She decides to use her queerness to infiltrate and invade that normative world. She decides to “care about the other 7 billion people out there instead of just [her].” She decides to be an advocate and voice for the people. She realizes how much power she has access to and that she can use that power for good.  I think this is an incredible model for how those with enormous privilege should use their voices to lift up those 7 billion+ people who do not have the same power/resources/rights/etc. You go girl!

As you wish, Julie Andrews

MVQ: Mia’s mom! She’s the coolest. I mean the paint-balloon thing! The firehouse! Genius.

OTP: Lily and Mia. Does a ship name for them exist? Mily? Lia?

Favorite Moment: Mia coning Lana!

Kiki's Delivery Service

Kiki’s Delivery Service

Studio Ghibli (Walt Disney Home Video)

Film released 1989 (Rereleased by Disney in 1998)

Director: Hayao Miyazaki

Writer: Hayao Miyazaki

Based on the book by Eiko Kadono

Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Debbie Reynolds, Phil Hartman, Matthew Lawrence, and lots of Japanese voice actors (for the Japanese version, obvi)

Rated: G

Grade: 4.5/5 (only because there are no openly LGBTQ characters)

We’re going to JAPAN this week!

Miyazaki is HANDS DOWN one of the best animated storytellers of our time. Period. While I love Spirited Away and fell back in love with him with Howl’s Moving Castle, Kiki will always hold a special place in my heart as my childhood favourite.

I'll have what he's having

Confession: Before last night, I hadn’t watched this movie in eons. And boy was I missing out. 
This movie is a feminist masterpiece. It’s one of those hidden gems, buried under years of watching male-driven animated features, but I am here to resurrect your worn VHS of yesteryear.  Press stop, rewind, wait for an hour, annnnnnd let’s play!

Quick recap for those who forgot the plot (like me a mere 24 hours ago). For those of you who have yet to discover this glorious piece of Japanese cinema GET ON THAT SHIT! If I could find it on the internet, so can you.

We start by meeting Kiki, our thirteen year-old female protagonist (how many times do I get to say that? Too few, that’s how many) who is a witch, which is a totally normal thing in this world! Here, witches leave home to train for a year in a foreign city on their thirteenth birthday. So Kiki jets off on her mom’s broom with her best sassy feline friend, Jiji. They find a pretty coastal city (the animation was inspired by a bunch of European cities like Stockholm, Lisbon, Paris, and Milan) where they are initially put off by big city life. They eventually find a friendly pregnant woman, Osono, who let’s them stay in her spare attic room in return for keeping an eye on the shop and then Kiki decides to start her own delivery service! She basically just flies around on her broom like a one-woman postal service, making lots of friends along the way. The film follows the trials and tribulations of a young witch just trying to find her place in the world. And the animation is gorgeous, btw.

I am Kiki! Watch me flyyyyyy!

First, let’s talk about how the characters in the film are basically ALL women. There are only four. I REPEAT ONLY FOUR! Recurring male characters. ONE OF THEM IS A CAT AND ANOTHER BARELY SPEAKS! Holy guacamole. No wonder I liked this movie as a closeted seven year-old.

Next, Kiki is a witch! I’ve already talked a bit about how entangled witches are in lesbian cultural symbols, history, the whole she-bang (did you enjoy that pun as much as I did? Maybe not…moving on). Modern example: Willow in Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, historical example: all that horrible stuff that went down in Salem, Mass way back when (and all the witch burning in Europe). Maybe I'll do a separate post on that...

Kiki’s world treats witches in a really interesting way. At first, we are in a world of witches. Kiki’s a burgeoning witch, her mom is a witch who whips up a damn good potion, and witch traditions are well-known facts. Being a witch who does witchy things is totally normal. But then Kiki takes off and leaves home, she finds a place where she is the only witch. Being a witch isn’t so normal anymore. She has to adjust to her newfound isolation. What interests me is the witch cultural adage here that this year of training (read: isolation) is a necessary part of becoming a full-fledged witch. (How many times can I say witch in one post?) When I think of someone who must undergo a year of training for whatever skill they are trying to cultivate, the narrative is that they go off to train with someone, usually an older and wiser mentor figure. But not in Kiki’s world. Her teacher is her isolation. Her teacher is her queerness in an unfamiliar world. She must learn to survive and thrive as the only one of her kind. And boy does she struggle, but she comes out stronger for it. How fucking prolific is that?

I also think it’s really cool that she, a THIRTEEN YEAR-OLD GIRL is allowed to leave home by herself for a full year. Now, this is just totally unheard of in our modern world. Young people are rarely given any kind of agency over their own lives, let alone a young girl. It’s refreshing to see a young strong willed and totally independent young person take control over her life and thrive.

She’s also an ENTREPRENEUR! She starts her own delivery business and she makes money doing it! That’s a huge feat in itself. And the fact that young girls can watch another young girl take the initiative and start her own relatively profitable business is HUGE.  

That'll be five cents please

Now here comes the lesbian speculation (you knew it was coming). Kiki meets a lot of interesting people on her deliveries. Three people stood out to me. 

There are the two older women who live in a fancy house. The house’s owner, only known as Madame, calls on Kiki’s services to deliver a herring pie (I guess that’s a thing?) to her niece for her birthday. Madame lives with her “friend” Barsa who runs around helping them make the pie and the reason for her presence is never discussed. I guess you’re supposed to think she’s a maid of some sort? All I know is that they are definitely big ‘ol homos. Dispute me, I dare ya. These two are lovely little old ladies living out their days together in their big fancy house away from judgmental prying eyes.  

This is my man-swatting broom

And there’s Ursula, the kick-ass artist who lives with the crows (yeah, she’s a bird lady) in the middle of the forest who ends up becoming a close friend to Kiki and gives her important advice when she’s down in the dumps and (spoilers!) loses her flying powers for a hot sec. Ursula is the coolest. And rewatching the movie now, it is refreshing to see a representation of a young queer twentysomething being a friend to her young compatriot. Ursula lives alone in the wilderness with no man in sight. She’s a free artistic spirit in touch with nature. And she’s not afraid to talk about her struggles, both personal and artistic. She tells Kiki about her art and her self-doubt and reveals her complexities as another vulnerable and complicated woman. What a good role model.

Paint me like one of your french women

You might have noticed I’ve barely talked about the boys in the movie. The mere four male representations include: a cat, Osono’s (the pregnant baker’s) muscley husband who barely speaks and pretty much just makes bread the whole movie, Kiki’s father who is a lovely human who is only in the first scene and the epilogue, and Kiki’s “romantic” interest (they’re only thirteen so he’s more of a friend interest), Tombo, whose advances she totally brushes off. Although his relentless pursuit of Kiki is a little creepy, he actually ends up being a good friend to her, he’s got these cute little glasses (I’ll always dole out some extra points for my fellow glasses-wearers), and he’s the damsel in distress during the climactic moment of the movie! Kiki pulls a superhero move and saves his life, literally catching him mid-air as he falls to his death from a rogue blimp. Pause to appreciate the brilliant gender role reversal. All hail Miyazaki, the secret feminist genius.

Kiki my love, Kiki my love, Kiki my loo-oooove

Also, Jiji, the cat, is the sassiest BFF ever.

Black cats are the masters of throwing shade

Fun fact courtesy of IMDB: The film takes place in an alternate reality version of the 1950s Europe where WWI and WWII never happened! Talk about utopic!

MVQ: Osono, the pregnant baker, is the story’s unsung hero, supporting Kiki and her business ventures, taking care of her when she’s sick, and putting a roof over her head.

OTP: Ursula and the pretty lady down the street who frequents the bakery. My theory is that they had a nasty breakup over Ursula’s need to move to the forest to commune with nature and the pretty lady didn’t want to sacrifice her career in fashion.  Just a theory.

Favorite moment: Kiki’s superhero moment saving Tombo. Epic. So epic. 

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a girl!

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast

Disney Animation

Released: 1991

Directors: Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise

Writer: Linda Woolverton

Starring: Paige O’Hara, Robby Benson, Richard White, Jerry Orbach, David Ogden Stiers, Angela Lansbury

Music & Lyrics: Alan Menken

Rating: G

Grade: 2.5/5

Going back to the classics today. I always felt an affinity with Belle. I was a huge bookworm when I was little and I seriously connected to her love of literature. She’s probably the only female Disney character I saw myself in as a kid. So let’s get to the queering!

wheeeeee!!!

First we should talk about the opening sequence. One of the best beginnings of a movie, in my humble opinion. And it’s got some cool feminist/queer undertones. Not only does it establish the Prince, the ultimate patriarchal symbol, as a spoiled brat, he gets punished for being mean to a witch/hag (read: lesbian)! Yup! The whole plot of the movie gets kick started with a lesbian cultural symbol cursing a patriarchal cultural symbol. How ‘bout them apples?

You'll take my rose and you'll like it goddamnit!

On to Belle: she’s a total outsider. The entire first song that establishes the world of the film is all about how much of a weirdo she is. She’s a queer nerd, despite her normative beauty. She gives zero fucks. She couldn’t care less what everyone thinks. Especially Gaston.

Let’s talk about Gaston. Honestly, I think he’s the most interesting character in the whole movie. Sounds strange coming from me? You might be thinking: “Lindsay, what are you talking about? He’s Disney’s most obvious patriarchal symbol.” Yessssss, but there’s a twist! I think he’s actually performing masculinity. 

Werk it girl

Gaston is projecting a patriarchal persona and he’s overcompensating so hard. In his performance of masculinity he’s actually criticizing its tropes. The “Gaston” song hits so many stereotypes in a single verse. High Disney camp at its best. And Gaston clearly doesn’t want to marry Belle because he loves her. He wants to marry her because he thinks they would look good together and fulfil heteronormative societal expectations of him and his manliness and her and her beauty. I’m pretty sure that Belle is his dream beard. Also, since Gaston is the villain, the movie essentially sets the patriarchy as the villainous obstacle to true love. I’m down with that.

I want to take a moment and talk about the scene where Gaston goes into Belle’s house to get her to marry him. 

Leave room for Jesus

This scene is really disturbing on a number of levels. First, that it’s super rapey. Second, that the only way that Belle can get out of this dangerous situation with Gaston is by using her sexuality as a weapon to lure him toward the door so she can boot him out. That’s a pretty fucked up thing to teach kids in a Disney movie: That men don’t respect women’s consent at all and the only thing women can do to help themselves is to use their looks, cause that’s all that women are good for, right? Uuuuuuuugh. Ok, rant over.  

The movie does redeem itself somewhat in its overall message of inner beauty over outer beauty and that’s definitely a queer message battling normative ideas, but then the Beast turns back to a pretty prince and kinda ruins the whole thing…

There’s also Cogsworth. He’s definitely got some queerness going on in those gears of his. I’m pretty sure he’s been pining over Lumiere for a while now.

Would you light my caaaaaaaandle

MVQ: Maurice! (Belle’s dad). He did a damn good job raising Belle in such a narrow minded little town.

OTP: Gaston and LeFeu. Oh yeah, that’s definitely happening.

Favorite Moment: Belle’s reprise of the opening song. “I want so much more than they’ve got planned.” I totally looked up to Belle’s ambition as a kid and this is a really liberating moment for her.